Post by Molly Mayhem on Mar 12, 2013 14:36:07 GMT -5
After a month in a half of shut down time New Edge Wrestling returns to the air waves at the N.E.W Arena in Chicago Illinois. The new contracted wrestlers and the vets where all sent memos by NEW HQ to be at this event and informed of there opponents. But, the question remains with Inkt MIA and Jesse in jail and on trial who will be in charge? Also with Inkt MIA is there still a CRU? Is Chef Roberto still the NEW World Champ? So many questions that could be answered at IGNITE 17!
IGNITE 17 INFO
Date
December 8, 2012 at 12 am
Venue
N.E.W Arena
Deadline
December 7, 2012 at 9 pm
Rating
46
Attendance
53,050
Gate
$1,591,500
SEGMENT PARTICIPANTS
We go inside the N.E.W Arena live in front of a sold out crowd where tonight the greatest wrestling federation on the planet returns after having taken a month in a half off. The camera's circle the arena showing how packed the Chicago crowd is and then we zoom in on two familier faces in Vince Walters and Jill Mathews.
Jill Mathews: Ladies and gentlemen we are back!
Vince Walters: That's right baby we are so back and I am loving it.
Jill Mathews: Vince was that a cheap pop for Mcdonalds?
Vince Walters: Oh you know it they paid me some good amount of cash just to say those simple words.
Jill Mathews: Sell out.
Vince Walters: Oh look whose talking miss fomer porn star who still sells her old dvd's out back as the fans are leaving the arena.
Jill Mathews: OH you shut your damn mouth.
Suddenly
THIS
IS
WAR!!!!!!!
The lights dim as the familier theme plays and the crowd erupts when they see Jesse Styles walk out from behind the curtain to his war theme song. Jesse stops half way down the ramp looking out at the crowd and cracks a smile. Now he walks down to the ring rolling in and putting his arms out in the air and his hometown fans are going nuts.
Jill Mathews: Oh my god the boss is back!
Vince Walters: I don't believe my eyes I thought he was still rooting away in jail somewhere.
Jill Mathews: Well apperantly not.
Jesse grabs a mic from the ring announcer and waits for the fans to calm down he then puts the mic up to his mouth.
Jesse Styles: CHICAGO what the hell is up!! Long time no see my friends for it's been exactly four months since the boss has been around the NEW. But, now that's all changed for you see folks I was arrested for bullshit charges that not in a million years would I actually do and finally as of yesterday the truth has come out. For the verdict was NOT GUILTY!!
Vince Walters: Ah hell that means he's back in charge.
Jill Mathews: Don't sound to excited Vince.
Jesse Styles: Of course the man who helped put me away is none other than that lunatic Chef Roberto and I am here to tell you Chef I got a major score to settle with you by god and it will get settled! But, first thing is first rumors have been running wild about how NEW was back yet again but the question is with Jesse away in jail and my temporary replacement missing in action aka that big goof Inkt who would be running the show? Well you need to look no further then the Owner of New Edge Wrestling me, myself and I. So with that said tonight I announce my first ruling as the man back in charge.
Jill Mathews: Please let it be that your firing Vince!
Vince Walters: HEY!
Jesse Styles: Even though apperantly this man didn't have the balls to show up to my arena tonight my announcement is real simple CHEF ROBERTO YOU ARE HERE BY STRIPPED OF THE WORLD TITLE and that is final! See Chef I told you I would settle the score and that's only just the beginning of it.
Jill Mathews: Ah hell I kinda feel bad for Chef.
Vince Walters: Well he had to know if Jesse got found not guilty then there would be hell to pay.
Jill Mathews: Eh I just don't know how to feel about this one.
Just as Jesse was about to speak again suddenly the fan's break out in boo's as the spot light hits the top of the ramp and there stands INKT!
Vince Walters: OH THANK YOU LORD!
Jill Mathews: Oh my what is he doing here?
Jesse Styles: Well, well I guess my big goof of a temporary replacement isn't so missing in action after all.
Inkt: Hey look you got jokes I am so damned impressed Styles.
Jesse Styles: I'm here all night.
Inkt: Well your fun is about to come crashing down for you see I made sure of a little loop hole in the contract when the board handed me temporary control of this company during your time in sing sing.
Jesse Styles: What damned loop hole?
Inkt: A fairly simple one that says if Jesse was to return that I Inkt would be fifty percent owner of this federation so put a smile on your face Jesse because you and I are partners now.
Jesse looks like he's about to get sick as he throws the mic down and just glares out at Inkt.
Inkt: Cat got your tongue there sunshine? Well no matter because as of right now somehow someway we have to learn to get a long or no decisions will ever get made around here. So my first order of business is to let all of the world know and you Jesse that the CRU is once again in town.
Inkt removes the mic from his mouth he then smiles down towards Jesse one more time before turning around and heading backstage. Jesse meanwhile just has a look of disgust and shock on his face as we cut away for a quick commericial break.
WHO'S THE BOSS?
Type
Two man segment
Length
15 min.
Winner
Show
Loser
Show
Outcome
Show
Rating
29%
Crowd Reaction
40%
Overall Rating
34%
VS
Jill Matthews: Hello and welcome back to New Edge Wrestling!
Vince Walters: Welcome back! Whooo! Vince Walters still has a job!
Jill Matthews: And so do I.
Vince Walters: A blow job. Ha ha!
Jill Matthews: Look, this is a start of a new era. At least show some respect.
Vince Walters: I am! Yes, that’s right a new NEW era.
Jill Matthews: Who is in charge? Is Chef Roberto still the world champion? God I hope not…
Vince Walters: Jill…. Ah shaddap in your face.
Jill Matthews: Talking of fat people, first up we’ve got the return of L.A. Keif versus a newcomer…
Vince Walters: A NEW newcomer.
Jill Matthews: Stop that! Where was I?
Vince Walters: L.A. Kief is going to make Cyan Komar eat his fat ass.
Tom Davis: And our following bout is for one fall. Making his return to New Edge Wrestling and weighing in today at a whopping 308 pounds….L.A. Kief!
The fans erupt as "Welcome to the Strange" by Murderdolls sounds out. L.A. Kief appears at the top of the ramp looking rather jovial. He shakes his ass before noticing a young fan chomping away at a hot dog. He takes the hot dog from him and finishes it off in one gulp. The young boy bursts out crying. Kief apologises and gets out a black biro and attempts to make amends by signing his shirt but his grandmother pulls him away and the pen smudges. Kief offers them a dollar but the grandmother beckons him away as Kief shrugs his shoulders and makes his way down the ramp.
Vince Walters: Kief has a fetish for goats… allegedly. Let’s hope he needs no scapegoat tonight! Did you hear that Jill? I am on form tonight!
Jill Matthews: Yes…. very clever. I wonder what Kief's been up to since we last saw him?
Vince Walters: I've heard his goat fetish got him in jail. I wonder if he bumped into Jesse. Hell, I wonder if he bummed Jesse.
Jill Matthews: Yeah right... likely story.
"War Ensemble" by Slayer blasts out as smoke fills the entranceway and within the blink of an eye a ninja appears. The fans look surprised, as does Kief who wipes his eyes and appears confused.
Vince Walters: Oh my god…he’s a…he’s a…he’s a NINJA!!!
The lights fade out and turn to darkness as the music stops. Seconds later the lights switch back on to reveal Cyan standing opposite a confused L.A. Kief. Referee David Brooks hesitates before checking Cyan for any foreign objects. Cyan quickly pulls out a kendo stick and hands it to him. Brooks checks again as Cyan pulls out a set of dragon stars. Brooks asks if he has anything else and Cyan hands him a chigiriki. Brooks now seems satisfied and signals for the bell to ring.
Jill Matthews: What an interesting match we’ve got here! A ninja versus…well a fat man.
Vince Walters: This guy is going to be way too quick for Kief. Look how quickly he entered the ring!
Jill Matthews: LA Kief is a veteran of the ring but I’m not sure he’s faced a ninja before.
Kief tries to grab Cyan but he is too quick for him and moves out of the way. Cyan hits Kief with a knife-edge chop but Kief’s chest submerges his hand. Kief responds with an elbow smash but again Cyan moves out of the way. Out of nowhere, Cyan catches Kief off guard with a spinning wheel kick as Kief staggers back.
Jill Matthews: Cyan nails Kief with the spinning wheel kick! What a start to this match.
Vince Walters: This Cyan guy is going to be one tricky bitch!
Kief wobbles back to his feet as Cyan launches himself into the ropes. Cyan dodges Kief’s attempted clothesline. Cyan cannons back off the second ropes and knocks Kief down with a jumping clothesline of his own. Cyan climbs the top turnbuckle and patiently waits for Kief to get back to his feet. Kief finally wobbles back up as Cyan goes for a diving hurricanrana. Cyan fails to pull Kief down and finds himself dangling. Kief gives Cyan an upside down bear hug and nests Cyan’s face in his groin area.
Vince Walters: Cyan is tasting…a bag of dicks.
Jill Matthews: Poor Cyan! Ewwwww…
Vince Walters: Kief is taking it to Cyan by any means necessary. I’ve heard it smells of kief down there.
Jill Matthews: What the hell is kief?
Vince Walters: Cannabis baby! Don’t pretend you don’t know! I've heard you'll do anything for a bit of blow.
Kief lifts Cyan up and sends him back down with a powerbomb. The ring shakes as the referee trips over. Kief sits on Cyan’s face as David Brooks counts…
One…
Cyan manages to get his shoulder up. The referee starts sniffing and starts wafting the air.
Jill Matthews: Has he just…
Vince Walters: Yep, he’s farted.
Jill Matthews: Ewww I can smell it from here. Somebody spray some air freshener!
Cyan manages to wriggle free but can’t stop gasping for air as Kief throws him into the corner turnbuckle. Kief takes a run up and goes for a corner splash but is nowhere near quick enough as Cyan jumps over his head and catches him off guard with an uppercut. Cyan pummels Keif's chest with a quick succession of kicks but Kief seems to absorb them. Cyan kicks lower and catches Kief's never regions but Kief taunts him by checking down his pants before sucking his thumb.
Jill Matthews: Oh my god! Did I just see that? That's disgusting.
Vince Walters: Hey Jill...
Jill Matthews: Oh no, please don't copy him... ewwwwwww. Don't you dare! Keep your thumb away from me!
Cyan looks furious as he hits Kief with a Phoenix Eye Strike. Kief rubs his eyes as Cyan follows up with a drop kick to Kief's knee. Kief staggers and is finally sent down when Cyan follows with a roundhouse kick. Cyan continues to work on Kief's legs and locks in a sharpshooter. Kief yells out in pain.
Jill Matthews: I think Cyan has finally found Kief's weakness.
Vince Walters: You mean his love for food.
Jill Matthews: I mean his knees. All that weight can't be good for them.
Vince Walters: As I said, caused by his love for food. Bags of dicks are quite fatty you know. When Chef Roberto served me pig dicks, I had indigestion for hours.
Jill Matthews: Eww... don't go there.
Kief rolls sideward and forces Cyan to break the hold. Kief continues rolling until he rolls out of the ring and crashes off the ring apron. Kief staggers up and looks around but cannot react in time as Cyan launches himself over the top rope and catches Kief with a suicide dive. David Brooks begins counting as Cyan climbs the ring steps. Kief is struggling to get back up and is hit with the Sternum Buster.
Jill Matthews: Oh my god! Sternum Buster! Ninja style! Kief’s phobia of ninjas is coming true.
Vince Walters: Pffft! I thought it was a stomp moonsault.
Jill Matthews: That’s basically what it is.
Vince Walters: Why does he have to make it sound so complicated?
David Brooks is on four as Cyan re-enters the ring. Cyan holds his arm in the air to a chorus of boos as David Brooks continues counting. Kief shows no signs of getting up as Brooks reaches seven. The crowd chants Kief’s name but he is showing little signs of moving.
Jill Matthews: It’s all over! That ninja style Sternum Buster has really flattened Kief.
Vince Walters: Trust me – nobody flattens Kief. You’d need a steamroller. Maybe two steamrollers.
A fan catches Kief’s attention and shouts, "There’s a bag of dicks in the ring". Kief hastily gets up and enters the ring before Brooks counts him out. Cyan goes for a mute strike but Kief blocks and head-butts Cyan right in his nose. Kief has Cyan on the back foot as he hits him with a series of jabs. Kief continues his onslaught with a nutshot. Cyan appears winded and bends down as Kief puts his face between his legs and sets up him up for a double underhook facebuster. However, Kief hesitates and holds Cyan’s head there for a bit too long, which allows Cyan to fight free.
Jill Matthews: What a pervert. Kief doesn’t care about winning, he just wants to grope.
Vince Walters: Don’t we all Jill, don’t we all.
Cyan reverses the facebuster attempt with a low blow. Cyan immediately uses the ropes for leverage and hits Kief with a jumping DDT. Cyan climbs the top turnbuckle and goes for a frog splash. Kief somehow manages to roll out of the way as Cyan catches nothing but the canvass. With Cyan still down, Kief sluggishly climbs the turnbuckle. He reaches the second turnbuckle but seems to have run out of energy. Kief turns around and goes for the Fat Man Flying. Cyan looks up and tries to roll out of the way but he cannot roll far enough as Kief flattens him. The ring shakes as David Books counts,
One…
Two…
Three…
Tom Davis: And the winner of the match via pinfall… L.A. Kief.
Jill Matthews: Kief has conquered his fear of ninjas!
Vince Walter: I tell you something, that ninja won’t be moving around so quickly after today.
Jill Matthews: Cyan put up a good fight but Kief completely flattened him with his size.
Vince Walters: I wonder if Chef Roberto will serve him a bag of dicks as a reward.
Jill Matthews: What's this I'm hearing... I’m just receiving news that Blair Buchnan is having a bubble bath!
Vince Walters: Take us there now! I have got to see this! I’m already wetter than Blair just thinking about it.
KIEF VS CYAN
Type
1 vs 1
Length
15 min.
Winner
Show
Loser
Show
Outcome
Show
Rating
34%
Crowd Reaction
43%
Overall Rating
39%
SEGMENT PARTICIPANTS
The scene opens up with a wide shot of Blair in her new private dressing room, a special ammenity provided for her in exchange for her shares in New Edge Wrestling. The dressing room was more like a small suite. It was a little bit larger in size and had her usual set-up; large vanity mirrors everywhere and a special make-up desk with a lighted mirror on one side. Instead of lockers, Blair had the NEW lawyers install a walk-in closet to house her favorite outfits as well as ring-attires. The final touch was of course the private bathroom Blair had ‘rennovated’ to look like a miniature version of something from the Palace of Versailles.
In it, there were marble tiled floors, modern sink installations trimmed in what looked like gold, and even what looked to be a solid gold toilet. This was of course not to be outdone by the large porcelain tub that she had put in, in lieu of the standard shower, so that she could relax before and after her matches; which is what she was doing right this second.
Blair was indulging herself in a relaxing bubble bath, the foam bubbles barely covering her private parts for the cameras. She had her long auburn hair tied up in an elegant chignon as to not get it wet. Just as she was about to get out of the tub and it looked as if the viewers were about to catch a glimpse of that infamous Playboy physique, camera suddenly turned to the entrance of the dressing room as the door burst open.
Sandi and Mandi, the identical cheerleaders and Blair’s henchmen, made their way into the dressing room, both carrying a very large basket full of soft, white, short haired labrador retriever puppies.
“We got the puppies like you asked!” Sandi announced proudly.
“Do you need us to help you dry off with them?” Mandi followed up.
The camera panned back over to Blair for her response but, to the dismay of male fans everywhere, Blair had already managed to get out of the tub and cover herself up with a towel instead.
“Too late…” Blair said with a flick of her wrist, causing the girls to frown. “But leave them…I’ll need them to wipe all that sweat off of me after I win my title back tonight!”
The girls nodded with excitement and hurried over to the other side of the room, placing the basket of puppies next to her beauty desk with the lighted vanity mirror. Sandi and Mandi began to make their exit before Blair stopped them.
“Wait…actually I’m glad you’rehere…there’s some more errands I need you to take care of before my match tonight.”
“Sure, boss!” Mandi grinned.
“What else can we do for you?” Sandi echoed, all doe eyed. These two practically worshipped her, it was unbelievable.
“Well for starters…” Blair said as she sauntered over to her walk in closet. There, she pulled out a short, nude colored minirobe and slippd it on, simultaneously letting the towel drop. As she tied the sash around her waist, Blair turned to the two cheerleaders and began to rattle off her list of demands.
“First off, I’ll need one of you to find someone to stay here and watch these puppies…they better not pee on anything…this carpet alone is worth more than what I pay you two combined…”
“It must not be worth a lot…” Mandi muttered under her breath, earning a jab in her side from Sandi.
“Second, I’ll need you to schedule an emergency massage for me…as well as calal in my accupuncturist….then my manicurist…and finally make sure the seamstress has my ring gear ready….I want to make sure everything is PERFECT for tonight…the night I finally break my record and once again become Trans Atlantic Champion for the fourth time!”
Then, Blair paused dramatically as she turned to face the two and slowly approached them.
“and finally…” Blair continued. “I need you two make sure that I, under no circumstance, lose this match tonight…”
“How are we supposed to do that?” Sandi asked, head tilted to the side.
“Well you’ve made me look like a fool before…I’m sure if you two focused all that itty bitty brainpower toward somebody else you could do the same to them too! This night needs to be perfect and perfect means me winning that Main Event! Now…go!” Blair said pointing at the door and sending the girls rushing out of the dressing room. Blair then sashayed her way over to her large make-up desk and peered into her reflection through the lighted vanity mirror.
“Everything has to be perfect…” She said aloud once more to herself before she started applying her makeup as the scene faded out.
DEMANDS OF A DIVA
Type
One man segment
Length
11 min.
Winner
Show
Loser
Show
Outcome
Show
Rating
51%
Crowd Reaction
59%
Overall Rating
55%
VS
Tom Davis: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is set for one fall! Introducing first, he stands 6 feet, 2 inches tall and weighs in at 241lbs. He is PEDRO HERNANDEZ!!!”
‘Last Resort’ by Papa Roach plays over the PA and Pedro Hernandez comes out to a fairly quiet reaction as the NEW fans haven’t heard of him yet and comes down to the ring, climbing in.
Vince Walters: “You know anything about this guy, Jill? You try to sleep with most of the male wrestlers, right?”
Jill Matthews: “Says the man that’s hit on every woman in the back except Valora maybe! As for Pedro Hernandez... I know he thinks he’s the best in the world. He’ll have the chance to prove that against Kronin tonight.”
Vince Walters: “I tried to hit on Valora but her and Apathy gave me this weird glare.. I got the feeling that continuing would be hazardous to my health, so I left.”
Jill Matthews: “Pity they didn’t put you out of my misery.”
Tom Davis: “And introducing his opponent... Hailing from Berlin, Germany. He stands 6 feet, 6 inches tall and weighs in at 275lbs. He is KRONIN!!!!
‘Ich Will’ by Rammstein plays as Kronin walks out from the back and grins as the crowd greets him with an ovation. Making his way down to the ring, he climbs in and heads to his corner, warming up and preparing for the fight.
Vince Walters: “It seems the fans haven’t forgotten Kronin. It’ll be interesting to see if he’s gotten rusty over the break at all.”
Jill Matthews: “That hunk of German sexiness? I doubt it. Kronin wins this match EASILY. I’m calling it now.”
The ref looks between the two fighters and nods, calling for the bell.
DING!!
DING!!
DING!!
The two fighters circle each other and Kronin grins, waving Pedro on, telling him to take a shot. Pedro doesn’t need to be told twice and nails Kronin with a big right hand which Kronin shrugs off and tells the kid to try again. Pedro hits Kronin with two more, both of which Kronin shrugs off. He gets angry and tries to nail Kronin again but Kronin grabs the fist and mouths “Strike three, dude, you’re out.” Before taking Pedro to the mat hard, throwing him over his head with a release belly to back suplex. As Pedro gets to his feet, Kronin hooks him from behind and plants him with a German Suplex, keeping his hands clasped, he pulls the man to his feet and hits a second German suplex, still keeping his hands clasped, pulling Pedro to his feet. Pedro tries to escape and is taken to the mat again with a third German Suplex and Kronin gets up with a smirk on his face.
Vince Walters: “Kronin is having some fun at the rookie’s expense. You know, we’ve been waiting for Kronin to show something... I think Kronin is finally done playing around.”
Jill Matthews: “I love this attitude. If you got it flaunt it, and he’s definitely got it.”
Pedro slowly gets to his feet and turns to face Kronin who plants a boot in Pedro’s gut and lifts the man up as if to go for a Vertical Suplex, walking around the ring, even holding Pedro with one arm before yelling out. “MELTDOWN, dude!” Before violently slamming the man forward and planting him on the mat with his version of the Hellevator. Kronin goes for the cover!
1...
2...
3!
DING!!
DING!!
DING!!
Tom Davis: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner... by pinfall, KRONIN!!!”
Vince Walters: “Wow.. a new Kronin hitting New Edge here. He wasted NO TIME in putting Pedro Hernandez in his place. That has to have people watching.”
Jill Matthews: “I think so. I think what held Kronin back was he was too much of a nice guy. You need to have an edge here and It think Kronin just sent a message that he isn’t playing around anymore.”
PEDRO VS KRONIN
Type
1 vs 1
Length
10 min.
Winner
Show
Loser
Show
Outcome
Show
Rating
24%
Crowd Reaction
42%
Overall Rating
33%
SEGMENT PARTICIPANTS
Aurora Deadwood is seen backstage she has a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and is skipping around randomly taking swigs from the bottle. Her ponytails are flying as she makes her way through the hall. one smacks some backstage lady in the face.
Lady: Excuse you!
Aurora: Ewww..did you fart?
Aurora begins laughing at her joke as she continues on her journey. A door opens to her right and she stops, cocks her head to the side and smiles at New Edge superstar, L.A. Kief.
Aurora: Hey big boy!
She takes a swig from the bottle.
Kief: Hey Roe. You back?
Aurora: Oh yeah, back and better than ever! Wanna see just how good I am?
Aurora grabs Kief's collar and presses a kiss to his lips.
---------------
Vince: Damn I envy that man.
Jill: She's obviously drunk and has no idea what she's doing, someone should go stop her before she does something she regrets.
Vince: You obviously only know the darker more morbid Aurora, this is classic Roe. Sweet Jesus look at that.
---------------
Aurora has Kief's shirt off and has her hands all over him, Kief reaches behind himself and opens the door. The pair stumble into the room tearing at each others clothes.
Jill: Let's get back to the action in the ring.
Vince: But the action backstage may be more entertaining.
Just then a bare foot plows through the dressing room door.
BACK AND BETTER THEN EVER
Type
One man segment
Length
8 min.
Winner
Show
Loser
Show
Outcome
Show
Rating
48%
Crowd Reaction
58%
Overall Rating
53%
VS
VS
Jill Matthews: “Welcome back to a very special edition of Ignite!”
Vince Walters: “So far this show has been chock full of excitement and it looks like things are about to get even better.”
Tom Davis: “The following match is scheduled for one fall and will be a triple threat match! First making his way to the ring…Rennnegaaaaaade!”
Renegade’s music hits the PA speakers. He steps out onto the stage and is met with a somewhat timid reaction. He raises his fists into the air while making his way down the ramp. Renegade then slides into the ring and signals to each side of the arena, generating a subtle pop from the crowd. He smirks and begins to stretch as his music fades.
On cue 'Uprising' by Muse blasts from the speakers, and white smoke flows out of the entrance way, billowing upward as the sea of fans give a mixed reaction to a figure stepping out from the curtain. Donning deep red shorts and a white tank top, her dark hair pulled back and tats exposed, Kaya Blaine saunters slowly down the ramp and pauses in the middle at the chorus, glancing back and forth between the rows of fans before smirking slightly and making her way slowly, calmly, to the ring.
Tom Davis: “and the opponent...from Cold Spring, New York…weighing in at 125 pounds and being accompanied by her manager Christina Jamie….she is….Kayyyyyaaaaaa Blaaaiiiiiine!”
Stopping by the side of said ring as the second verse explodes throughout the arena, Blaine lifts her hand into the air at the words ‘come let the revolution take control', before pulling on crimson leather gloves that her manager, Christine Jamie, hands her from the side of the ring. She then moves onto the apron and flips herself over the top rope, stopping with a hand on it, the music fading as, looking over her shoulder, Kaya waits for the next opponent.
Tom Davis: “introducing next...Salem Mourningstarrrrrr!!!!”
Salem’s music hits and he walks out immediately without a huge fuss. He makes his way down to the ring and climbs onto the apron but stops short of actually entering it due to opposition from Kaya Blaine. She is apparently not comfortable with his appearance.
Vince Walters: (laughing) “it looks like Little Miss OCD isn’t too pleased with Salem Mourningstar’s personal hygiene.”
Jill Matthews: “She’s signalling for her manager, Christine Jamie, for something…”
Kaya reaches over the ropes and grabs a bottle of hand sanitizer from her manager before approaching Salem and insisting that he use it on himself. Salem, in disbelief waves Kaya off and shouts at her to get out of his way but she doesn’t budge.
Jill Matthews: “Well this has to be a first. “
Vince Walters: “I can’t believe this…is she serious?”
Having enough of this ridiculousness, Renegade runs at the two from behind. Christine screams for Kaya to watch out and she ducks just in time. Unfortunately Salem is not so quick on his feet and is hit with a Clothesline that sends him flying off of the apron and where he hits his head hard against the steel ramp.
Vince Walters: “He should have seen that coming.”
Jill Matthews: “Literally.”
The bell sounds and the match is officially under way. Salem eventually makes his way back into the ring but leans against a turnbuckle as that blow to the head left him looking pretty out of it. He staggers into the middle of the ring and the three of them look from one to the other, each anticipating the next move.
Finally, Renegade goes for the initiative by running at Kaya. Blaine puts her hands up and staps back due to the impending fear of skin to skin contact. Instead she makes it so that Salem is between her and Renegade. She runs forward and hits Salem in the back with a Missile Kick which sends him flying into Renegade. The two fall back into a turnbuckle. Renegade, pissed off by this cheap attack, responds by shoving Salem off of him, then Irish Whips him in Kaya’s direction. Kaya panics and drops to the ground, tripping Salem with a leg sweep.
Vince Walters: “These two are playing a game of Hot Potato with Salem Mourningstar!”
Jill Matthews: “A pretty strategic technique for a chic with OCD who decided to become a wrestler.”
Vince Walters: “What kind of sense does that make anyway?”
Kaya stands up, staring down at Salem’s fallen body in satisfaction but she forgot about Renegade who runs up and hits her with a Bulldog from behind. He goes for the cover.
1…
2….
Kaya kicks out of the pin and rolls away to safety. As Kaya stands up she sees Renegade once again running at her. He goes for a Spear but she sidesteps it, sending Renegade flying through the ropes and to the outside. Kaya turns around and sees Salem getting to his feet once more. She takes advantage of the opportunity and runs at Salem and kicking him in the gut. He doubles over and she grabs him by the wrist before walking him over to the ropes and climbing up onto them. Catching her balance, Kaya executes a Rope Walk Hurracanrana on Salem which sends him flying to the center of the ring on his back.
Vince Walters: “That was pretty impressive!”
Jill Matthews: “Especially since she had to actually touch her opponent to do that move!”
Vince Walters: “Yeah but she’s wearing gloves, Jill…”
Jill Matthews: “Oh…right…still…it was a good move.”
The crowd is going crazy and Kaya can’t help but quickly climb to the top of the nearest turnbuckle. She looks to the outside of the ring and sees Renegade begin to regain his composure so she acts quickly and leaps into the air hitting a perfectly executed Phoenix Splash, aka “Perfection” on Salem Mourningstar. She hooks his leg for the pin!
1!!!
2!!!
Renegade slides into the ring but he’s too late as the ref hits the 3 count seconds before he can break up the pin.
The bell sounds and Kaya gets to her knees. The ref helps her to her feet and raises her arms in victory.
Tom Davis: “and your winner by pinfall…..KAYYYYYAAA BLAIIIINE!!!”
Tom Davis: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is set for one fall! Introducing first, Hailing from Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.. He stands 6 feet, 1 inch tall and weighs in at 247lbs... He is EVANDER CAGE!!!”
"Brother" by Matt Corby plays throughout the arena as Evander Cage steps out onto the stage to a massive ovation from the New Edge Wrestling fans. Evander stands on the stage soaking in the atmosphere as the ring announcer introduces him. After the introduction, Evander slowly makes his way down the ramp tagging the hands of the fans until he reaches the steel steps. He slowly climbs up the steel steps and enters the ring where for a moment he poses to the fans before he begins to prepare himself for his match.
Vince Walters: “And we kick off our return to regular shows with a renewal of a rivalry of sorts. Dixie and Evander have faced each other once or twice, and I believe Dixie has a slight edge in the series.”
Jill Matthews: “But the last time they met, Evander Cage won after knocking Dixie out cold with a vicious counter to a move she had attempted from off the top of a ladder. Dixie needs to find a way to win here tonight.”
Tom Davis: And introducing his opponent, hailing from San Antonio, Texas.. She stands 5 feet, 9 inches tall and weighs in at 165lbs. She is the 3 count cowgirl DIXIE CLEMENT!!”
‘Lone Star Cowgirl’ plays over the PA and Dixie comes out from the back, taking her cowboy hat off and holding it above her head as she looks out over the crowd. She does a short little country style dance to her music and makes her way down to the ring, climbing into the ring and climbing the turnbuckle, holding her hands up over her head before dropping down to the mat and preparing herself for the coming fight, resting her cowboy hat on one of the turnbuckles.
Vince Walters: “And Dixie is back for more punishment. Least it should be quick.”
Jill Matthews: “Ass. I think Dixie might surprise you. I heard she took the time off to focus on working as a Texas State Trooper and excelled at the work.”
Tom Davis leaves the ring and the ref calls for the bell...
DING!!
DING!!
DING!!
Vince Walters: “And.. we’re underway!”
Jill Matthews: “Come on, Dixie! I can’t listen to this jackass gloat if you lose.”
The two circle around each other and lock up, Evander Cage pushes Dixie off and to the mat. Dixie gets up and the two lock up again, this time Dixie transitions to a side headlock and nails Evander with a few short punches right to the face before he pushes her into the ropes. Dixie hops onto the middle rope, hopes up to the top rope and springboards off, catching Evander Cage and bringing him to the mat with a reverse DDT.
Vince Walters: “Holy Crap! Where the hell did that come from!”
Jill Matthews: “I told you!”
Dixie drags Evander to his feet, and the two trade punches. Dixie tries to shoot in for a double leg takedown, but Evander counters with a European Uppercut, followed by another before grabbing Dixie and bringing her to the mat with an exploder suplex. Evander pulls Dixie to her feet and nails a Vertical suplex and goes for the cover...
1...
2..
Dixie kicks out!
Vince Walters: “Evander fighting back now!”
Jill Matthews: “Is he? He looks like he’s talking to himself!”
Evander gets up after the cover and shakes his head, backing into the corner. Dixie and the ref look at each other confused but Dixie charge forward and leaps into the air, nailing Evander with a Stinger Splash, hooking him and throwing him out of the corner with a hip toss. Dixie hops up to the top turnbuckle and tries a split legged moonsault but Evander rolls out of the way and Dixie catches nothing but mat.
Vince Walters: “Crash and Burn baby! But I could watch that split legged moonsault action all night.”
Jill Matthews: “Pig.”
Evander runs up and plants Dixie with a double arm DDT as she gets up and rebounds off the ropes, nailing Dixie with a clothesline as she gets up. Evander pulls Dixie to her feet and drives her to the corner with punches and kicks, setting her up on the top turnbuckle and climbing up after her, lifting her up and planting her with a superplex that has Dixie arching her back in pain as Evander lays next to her, shaking his head.
Vince Walters: “I guess we have more punishment ahead. Evander shaking his head thinking that what he’s done might not be enough to keep Dixie down.”
Jill Matthews: “He’s right. I don’t think she’s out of the fight just yet.”
Evander Cage goes over to pull Dixie to her feet, but she rolls him up in an inside cradle and tries for a cover..
1...
2...
Evander kicks out!
Vince Walters: “Dixie almost caught Evander napping there.”
Jill Matthews: “She’s a lot more talented than people give her credit for.”
Evander breaks the hold and stomps Dixie, pulling her to her feet and planting her with a powerbomb. Backing up a bit, Evander waits for Dixie to get to her feet and runs forward, taking her down with a neckbreaker. Evander gets to his feet, smiling, seeming to think he has things going his way. Waiting for Dixie to get to her feet, he moves in and boots her in the gut, lifting her up and trying for the Michinoku Driver but Dixie wiggles out of it and locks in the cobra clutch.
Vince Walters: “The Cobra Clutch?! Does she really think that will work?”
Jill Matthews: “It looks like its working so far.”
Evander fights and tries to break free, just before he does, Dixie shifts to a Full Nelson and sweeps his legs out from under him, dropping him on his face. As she gets up, she pats her elbow and smirks.
Vince Walters: “No... she can’t win this!”
Jill Matthews: “Oh, but I think she can.”
Evander Cage pulls himself up and looks around, Dixie, standing behind him, spins around and nails him with a discus elbow shot to the back of the head that echoes throughout the arena the crowd reacting to the sick thud as Evander drops to his knees and falls flat on his face. Dixie rolls him over and goes for the cover.
1...
2..
3!
DING!!
DING!!
DING!!
Tom Davis: “Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner, by pinfall, DIXIE CLEMENT!!”
Vince Walters: “That move should be banned! Banned I tell you!”
Jill Matthews: “Dixie evened the score! Evander Cage knocked her out cold, now she’s knocked him out cold!”
IGNITE 17 INFO
Date
December 8, 2012 at 12 am
Venue
N.E.W Arena
Deadline
December 7, 2012 at 9 pm
Rating
46
Attendance
53,050
Gate
$1,591,500
SEGMENT PARTICIPANTS
We go inside the N.E.W Arena live in front of a sold out crowd where tonight the greatest wrestling federation on the planet returns after having taken a month in a half off. The camera's circle the arena showing how packed the Chicago crowd is and then we zoom in on two familier faces in Vince Walters and Jill Mathews.
Jill Mathews: Ladies and gentlemen we are back!
Vince Walters: That's right baby we are so back and I am loving it.
Jill Mathews: Vince was that a cheap pop for Mcdonalds?
Vince Walters: Oh you know it they paid me some good amount of cash just to say those simple words.
Jill Mathews: Sell out.
Vince Walters: Oh look whose talking miss fomer porn star who still sells her old dvd's out back as the fans are leaving the arena.
Jill Mathews: OH you shut your damn mouth.
Suddenly
THIS
IS
WAR!!!!!!!
The lights dim as the familier theme plays and the crowd erupts when they see Jesse Styles walk out from behind the curtain to his war theme song. Jesse stops half way down the ramp looking out at the crowd and cracks a smile. Now he walks down to the ring rolling in and putting his arms out in the air and his hometown fans are going nuts.
Jill Mathews: Oh my god the boss is back!
Vince Walters: I don't believe my eyes I thought he was still rooting away in jail somewhere.
Jill Mathews: Well apperantly not.
Jesse grabs a mic from the ring announcer and waits for the fans to calm down he then puts the mic up to his mouth.
Jesse Styles: CHICAGO what the hell is up!! Long time no see my friends for it's been exactly four months since the boss has been around the NEW. But, now that's all changed for you see folks I was arrested for bullshit charges that not in a million years would I actually do and finally as of yesterday the truth has come out. For the verdict was NOT GUILTY!!
Vince Walters: Ah hell that means he's back in charge.
Jill Mathews: Don't sound to excited Vince.
Jesse Styles: Of course the man who helped put me away is none other than that lunatic Chef Roberto and I am here to tell you Chef I got a major score to settle with you by god and it will get settled! But, first thing is first rumors have been running wild about how NEW was back yet again but the question is with Jesse away in jail and my temporary replacement missing in action aka that big goof Inkt who would be running the show? Well you need to look no further then the Owner of New Edge Wrestling me, myself and I. So with that said tonight I announce my first ruling as the man back in charge.
Jill Mathews: Please let it be that your firing Vince!
Vince Walters: HEY!
Jesse Styles: Even though apperantly this man didn't have the balls to show up to my arena tonight my announcement is real simple CHEF ROBERTO YOU ARE HERE BY STRIPPED OF THE WORLD TITLE and that is final! See Chef I told you I would settle the score and that's only just the beginning of it.
Jill Mathews: Ah hell I kinda feel bad for Chef.
Vince Walters: Well he had to know if Jesse got found not guilty then there would be hell to pay.
Jill Mathews: Eh I just don't know how to feel about this one.
Just as Jesse was about to speak again suddenly the fan's break out in boo's as the spot light hits the top of the ramp and there stands INKT!
Vince Walters: OH THANK YOU LORD!
Jill Mathews: Oh my what is he doing here?
Jesse Styles: Well, well I guess my big goof of a temporary replacement isn't so missing in action after all.
Inkt: Hey look you got jokes I am so damned impressed Styles.
Jesse Styles: I'm here all night.
Inkt: Well your fun is about to come crashing down for you see I made sure of a little loop hole in the contract when the board handed me temporary control of this company during your time in sing sing.
Jesse Styles: What damned loop hole?
Inkt: A fairly simple one that says if Jesse was to return that I Inkt would be fifty percent owner of this federation so put a smile on your face Jesse because you and I are partners now.
Jesse looks like he's about to get sick as he throws the mic down and just glares out at Inkt.
Inkt: Cat got your tongue there sunshine? Well no matter because as of right now somehow someway we have to learn to get a long or no decisions will ever get made around here. So my first order of business is to let all of the world know and you Jesse that the CRU is once again in town.
Inkt removes the mic from his mouth he then smiles down towards Jesse one more time before turning around and heading backstage. Jesse meanwhile just has a look of disgust and shock on his face as we cut away for a quick commericial break.
WHO'S THE BOSS?
Type
Two man segment
Length
15 min.
Winner
Show
Loser
Show
Outcome
Show
Rating
29%
Crowd Reaction
40%
Overall Rating
34%
VS
Jill Matthews: Hello and welcome back to New Edge Wrestling!
Vince Walters: Welcome back! Whooo! Vince Walters still has a job!
Jill Matthews: And so do I.
Vince Walters: A blow job. Ha ha!
Jill Matthews: Look, this is a start of a new era. At least show some respect.
Vince Walters: I am! Yes, that’s right a new NEW era.
Jill Matthews: Who is in charge? Is Chef Roberto still the world champion? God I hope not…
Vince Walters: Jill…. Ah shaddap in your face.
Jill Matthews: Talking of fat people, first up we’ve got the return of L.A. Keif versus a newcomer…
Vince Walters: A NEW newcomer.
Jill Matthews: Stop that! Where was I?
Vince Walters: L.A. Kief is going to make Cyan Komar eat his fat ass.
Tom Davis: And our following bout is for one fall. Making his return to New Edge Wrestling and weighing in today at a whopping 308 pounds….L.A. Kief!
The fans erupt as "Welcome to the Strange" by Murderdolls sounds out. L.A. Kief appears at the top of the ramp looking rather jovial. He shakes his ass before noticing a young fan chomping away at a hot dog. He takes the hot dog from him and finishes it off in one gulp. The young boy bursts out crying. Kief apologises and gets out a black biro and attempts to make amends by signing his shirt but his grandmother pulls him away and the pen smudges. Kief offers them a dollar but the grandmother beckons him away as Kief shrugs his shoulders and makes his way down the ramp.
Vince Walters: Kief has a fetish for goats… allegedly. Let’s hope he needs no scapegoat tonight! Did you hear that Jill? I am on form tonight!
Jill Matthews: Yes…. very clever. I wonder what Kief's been up to since we last saw him?
Vince Walters: I've heard his goat fetish got him in jail. I wonder if he bumped into Jesse. Hell, I wonder if he bummed Jesse.
Jill Matthews: Yeah right... likely story.
"War Ensemble" by Slayer blasts out as smoke fills the entranceway and within the blink of an eye a ninja appears. The fans look surprised, as does Kief who wipes his eyes and appears confused.
Vince Walters: Oh my god…he’s a…he’s a…he’s a NINJA!!!
The lights fade out and turn to darkness as the music stops. Seconds later the lights switch back on to reveal Cyan standing opposite a confused L.A. Kief. Referee David Brooks hesitates before checking Cyan for any foreign objects. Cyan quickly pulls out a kendo stick and hands it to him. Brooks checks again as Cyan pulls out a set of dragon stars. Brooks asks if he has anything else and Cyan hands him a chigiriki. Brooks now seems satisfied and signals for the bell to ring.
Jill Matthews: What an interesting match we’ve got here! A ninja versus…well a fat man.
Vince Walters: This guy is going to be way too quick for Kief. Look how quickly he entered the ring!
Jill Matthews: LA Kief is a veteran of the ring but I’m not sure he’s faced a ninja before.
Kief tries to grab Cyan but he is too quick for him and moves out of the way. Cyan hits Kief with a knife-edge chop but Kief’s chest submerges his hand. Kief responds with an elbow smash but again Cyan moves out of the way. Out of nowhere, Cyan catches Kief off guard with a spinning wheel kick as Kief staggers back.
Jill Matthews: Cyan nails Kief with the spinning wheel kick! What a start to this match.
Vince Walters: This Cyan guy is going to be one tricky bitch!
Kief wobbles back to his feet as Cyan launches himself into the ropes. Cyan dodges Kief’s attempted clothesline. Cyan cannons back off the second ropes and knocks Kief down with a jumping clothesline of his own. Cyan climbs the top turnbuckle and patiently waits for Kief to get back to his feet. Kief finally wobbles back up as Cyan goes for a diving hurricanrana. Cyan fails to pull Kief down and finds himself dangling. Kief gives Cyan an upside down bear hug and nests Cyan’s face in his groin area.
Vince Walters: Cyan is tasting…a bag of dicks.
Jill Matthews: Poor Cyan! Ewwwww…
Vince Walters: Kief is taking it to Cyan by any means necessary. I’ve heard it smells of kief down there.
Jill Matthews: What the hell is kief?
Vince Walters: Cannabis baby! Don’t pretend you don’t know! I've heard you'll do anything for a bit of blow.
Kief lifts Cyan up and sends him back down with a powerbomb. The ring shakes as the referee trips over. Kief sits on Cyan’s face as David Brooks counts…
One…
Cyan manages to get his shoulder up. The referee starts sniffing and starts wafting the air.
Jill Matthews: Has he just…
Vince Walters: Yep, he’s farted.
Jill Matthews: Ewww I can smell it from here. Somebody spray some air freshener!
Cyan manages to wriggle free but can’t stop gasping for air as Kief throws him into the corner turnbuckle. Kief takes a run up and goes for a corner splash but is nowhere near quick enough as Cyan jumps over his head and catches him off guard with an uppercut. Cyan pummels Keif's chest with a quick succession of kicks but Kief seems to absorb them. Cyan kicks lower and catches Kief's never regions but Kief taunts him by checking down his pants before sucking his thumb.
Jill Matthews: Oh my god! Did I just see that? That's disgusting.
Vince Walters: Hey Jill...
Jill Matthews: Oh no, please don't copy him... ewwwwwww. Don't you dare! Keep your thumb away from me!
Cyan looks furious as he hits Kief with a Phoenix Eye Strike. Kief rubs his eyes as Cyan follows up with a drop kick to Kief's knee. Kief staggers and is finally sent down when Cyan follows with a roundhouse kick. Cyan continues to work on Kief's legs and locks in a sharpshooter. Kief yells out in pain.
Jill Matthews: I think Cyan has finally found Kief's weakness.
Vince Walters: You mean his love for food.
Jill Matthews: I mean his knees. All that weight can't be good for them.
Vince Walters: As I said, caused by his love for food. Bags of dicks are quite fatty you know. When Chef Roberto served me pig dicks, I had indigestion for hours.
Jill Matthews: Eww... don't go there.
Kief rolls sideward and forces Cyan to break the hold. Kief continues rolling until he rolls out of the ring and crashes off the ring apron. Kief staggers up and looks around but cannot react in time as Cyan launches himself over the top rope and catches Kief with a suicide dive. David Brooks begins counting as Cyan climbs the ring steps. Kief is struggling to get back up and is hit with the Sternum Buster.
Jill Matthews: Oh my god! Sternum Buster! Ninja style! Kief’s phobia of ninjas is coming true.
Vince Walters: Pffft! I thought it was a stomp moonsault.
Jill Matthews: That’s basically what it is.
Vince Walters: Why does he have to make it sound so complicated?
David Brooks is on four as Cyan re-enters the ring. Cyan holds his arm in the air to a chorus of boos as David Brooks continues counting. Kief shows no signs of getting up as Brooks reaches seven. The crowd chants Kief’s name but he is showing little signs of moving.
Jill Matthews: It’s all over! That ninja style Sternum Buster has really flattened Kief.
Vince Walters: Trust me – nobody flattens Kief. You’d need a steamroller. Maybe two steamrollers.
A fan catches Kief’s attention and shouts, "There’s a bag of dicks in the ring". Kief hastily gets up and enters the ring before Brooks counts him out. Cyan goes for a mute strike but Kief blocks and head-butts Cyan right in his nose. Kief has Cyan on the back foot as he hits him with a series of jabs. Kief continues his onslaught with a nutshot. Cyan appears winded and bends down as Kief puts his face between his legs and sets up him up for a double underhook facebuster. However, Kief hesitates and holds Cyan’s head there for a bit too long, which allows Cyan to fight free.
Jill Matthews: What a pervert. Kief doesn’t care about winning, he just wants to grope.
Vince Walters: Don’t we all Jill, don’t we all.
Cyan reverses the facebuster attempt with a low blow. Cyan immediately uses the ropes for leverage and hits Kief with a jumping DDT. Cyan climbs the top turnbuckle and goes for a frog splash. Kief somehow manages to roll out of the way as Cyan catches nothing but the canvass. With Cyan still down, Kief sluggishly climbs the turnbuckle. He reaches the second turnbuckle but seems to have run out of energy. Kief turns around and goes for the Fat Man Flying. Cyan looks up and tries to roll out of the way but he cannot roll far enough as Kief flattens him. The ring shakes as David Books counts,
One…
Two…
Three…
Tom Davis: And the winner of the match via pinfall… L.A. Kief.
Jill Matthews: Kief has conquered his fear of ninjas!
Vince Walter: I tell you something, that ninja won’t be moving around so quickly after today.
Jill Matthews: Cyan put up a good fight but Kief completely flattened him with his size.
Vince Walters: I wonder if Chef Roberto will serve him a bag of dicks as a reward.
Jill Matthews: What's this I'm hearing... I’m just receiving news that Blair Buchnan is having a bubble bath!
Vince Walters: Take us there now! I have got to see this! I’m already wetter than Blair just thinking about it.
KIEF VS CYAN
Type
1 vs 1
Length
15 min.
Winner
Show
Loser
Show
Outcome
Show
Rating
34%
Crowd Reaction
43%
Overall Rating
39%
SEGMENT PARTICIPANTS
The scene opens up with a wide shot of Blair in her new private dressing room, a special ammenity provided for her in exchange for her shares in New Edge Wrestling. The dressing room was more like a small suite. It was a little bit larger in size and had her usual set-up; large vanity mirrors everywhere and a special make-up desk with a lighted mirror on one side. Instead of lockers, Blair had the NEW lawyers install a walk-in closet to house her favorite outfits as well as ring-attires. The final touch was of course the private bathroom Blair had ‘rennovated’ to look like a miniature version of something from the Palace of Versailles.
In it, there were marble tiled floors, modern sink installations trimmed in what looked like gold, and even what looked to be a solid gold toilet. This was of course not to be outdone by the large porcelain tub that she had put in, in lieu of the standard shower, so that she could relax before and after her matches; which is what she was doing right this second.
Blair was indulging herself in a relaxing bubble bath, the foam bubbles barely covering her private parts for the cameras. She had her long auburn hair tied up in an elegant chignon as to not get it wet. Just as she was about to get out of the tub and it looked as if the viewers were about to catch a glimpse of that infamous Playboy physique, camera suddenly turned to the entrance of the dressing room as the door burst open.
Sandi and Mandi, the identical cheerleaders and Blair’s henchmen, made their way into the dressing room, both carrying a very large basket full of soft, white, short haired labrador retriever puppies.
“We got the puppies like you asked!” Sandi announced proudly.
“Do you need us to help you dry off with them?” Mandi followed up.
The camera panned back over to Blair for her response but, to the dismay of male fans everywhere, Blair had already managed to get out of the tub and cover herself up with a towel instead.
“Too late…” Blair said with a flick of her wrist, causing the girls to frown. “But leave them…I’ll need them to wipe all that sweat off of me after I win my title back tonight!”
The girls nodded with excitement and hurried over to the other side of the room, placing the basket of puppies next to her beauty desk with the lighted vanity mirror. Sandi and Mandi began to make their exit before Blair stopped them.
“Wait…actually I’m glad you’rehere…there’s some more errands I need you to take care of before my match tonight.”
“Sure, boss!” Mandi grinned.
“What else can we do for you?” Sandi echoed, all doe eyed. These two practically worshipped her, it was unbelievable.
“Well for starters…” Blair said as she sauntered over to her walk in closet. There, she pulled out a short, nude colored minirobe and slippd it on, simultaneously letting the towel drop. As she tied the sash around her waist, Blair turned to the two cheerleaders and began to rattle off her list of demands.
“First off, I’ll need one of you to find someone to stay here and watch these puppies…they better not pee on anything…this carpet alone is worth more than what I pay you two combined…”
“It must not be worth a lot…” Mandi muttered under her breath, earning a jab in her side from Sandi.
“Second, I’ll need you to schedule an emergency massage for me…as well as calal in my accupuncturist….then my manicurist…and finally make sure the seamstress has my ring gear ready….I want to make sure everything is PERFECT for tonight…the night I finally break my record and once again become Trans Atlantic Champion for the fourth time!”
Then, Blair paused dramatically as she turned to face the two and slowly approached them.
“and finally…” Blair continued. “I need you two make sure that I, under no circumstance, lose this match tonight…”
“How are we supposed to do that?” Sandi asked, head tilted to the side.
“Well you’ve made me look like a fool before…I’m sure if you two focused all that itty bitty brainpower toward somebody else you could do the same to them too! This night needs to be perfect and perfect means me winning that Main Event! Now…go!” Blair said pointing at the door and sending the girls rushing out of the dressing room. Blair then sashayed her way over to her large make-up desk and peered into her reflection through the lighted vanity mirror.
“Everything has to be perfect…” She said aloud once more to herself before she started applying her makeup as the scene faded out.
DEMANDS OF A DIVA
Type
One man segment
Length
11 min.
Winner
Show
Loser
Show
Outcome
Show
Rating
51%
Crowd Reaction
59%
Overall Rating
55%
VS
Tom Davis: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is set for one fall! Introducing first, he stands 6 feet, 2 inches tall and weighs in at 241lbs. He is PEDRO HERNANDEZ!!!”
‘Last Resort’ by Papa Roach plays over the PA and Pedro Hernandez comes out to a fairly quiet reaction as the NEW fans haven’t heard of him yet and comes down to the ring, climbing in.
Vince Walters: “You know anything about this guy, Jill? You try to sleep with most of the male wrestlers, right?”
Jill Matthews: “Says the man that’s hit on every woman in the back except Valora maybe! As for Pedro Hernandez... I know he thinks he’s the best in the world. He’ll have the chance to prove that against Kronin tonight.”
Vince Walters: “I tried to hit on Valora but her and Apathy gave me this weird glare.. I got the feeling that continuing would be hazardous to my health, so I left.”
Jill Matthews: “Pity they didn’t put you out of my misery.”
Tom Davis: “And introducing his opponent... Hailing from Berlin, Germany. He stands 6 feet, 6 inches tall and weighs in at 275lbs. He is KRONIN!!!!
‘Ich Will’ by Rammstein plays as Kronin walks out from the back and grins as the crowd greets him with an ovation. Making his way down to the ring, he climbs in and heads to his corner, warming up and preparing for the fight.
Vince Walters: “It seems the fans haven’t forgotten Kronin. It’ll be interesting to see if he’s gotten rusty over the break at all.”
Jill Matthews: “That hunk of German sexiness? I doubt it. Kronin wins this match EASILY. I’m calling it now.”
The ref looks between the two fighters and nods, calling for the bell.
DING!!
DING!!
DING!!
The two fighters circle each other and Kronin grins, waving Pedro on, telling him to take a shot. Pedro doesn’t need to be told twice and nails Kronin with a big right hand which Kronin shrugs off and tells the kid to try again. Pedro hits Kronin with two more, both of which Kronin shrugs off. He gets angry and tries to nail Kronin again but Kronin grabs the fist and mouths “Strike three, dude, you’re out.” Before taking Pedro to the mat hard, throwing him over his head with a release belly to back suplex. As Pedro gets to his feet, Kronin hooks him from behind and plants him with a German Suplex, keeping his hands clasped, he pulls the man to his feet and hits a second German suplex, still keeping his hands clasped, pulling Pedro to his feet. Pedro tries to escape and is taken to the mat again with a third German Suplex and Kronin gets up with a smirk on his face.
Vince Walters: “Kronin is having some fun at the rookie’s expense. You know, we’ve been waiting for Kronin to show something... I think Kronin is finally done playing around.”
Jill Matthews: “I love this attitude. If you got it flaunt it, and he’s definitely got it.”
Pedro slowly gets to his feet and turns to face Kronin who plants a boot in Pedro’s gut and lifts the man up as if to go for a Vertical Suplex, walking around the ring, even holding Pedro with one arm before yelling out. “MELTDOWN, dude!” Before violently slamming the man forward and planting him on the mat with his version of the Hellevator. Kronin goes for the cover!
1...
2...
3!
DING!!
DING!!
DING!!
Tom Davis: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner... by pinfall, KRONIN!!!”
Vince Walters: “Wow.. a new Kronin hitting New Edge here. He wasted NO TIME in putting Pedro Hernandez in his place. That has to have people watching.”
Jill Matthews: “I think so. I think what held Kronin back was he was too much of a nice guy. You need to have an edge here and It think Kronin just sent a message that he isn’t playing around anymore.”
PEDRO VS KRONIN
Type
1 vs 1
Length
10 min.
Winner
Show
Loser
Show
Outcome
Show
Rating
24%
Crowd Reaction
42%
Overall Rating
33%
SEGMENT PARTICIPANTS
Aurora Deadwood is seen backstage she has a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and is skipping around randomly taking swigs from the bottle. Her ponytails are flying as she makes her way through the hall. one smacks some backstage lady in the face.
Lady: Excuse you!
Aurora: Ewww..did you fart?
Aurora begins laughing at her joke as she continues on her journey. A door opens to her right and she stops, cocks her head to the side and smiles at New Edge superstar, L.A. Kief.
Aurora: Hey big boy!
She takes a swig from the bottle.
Kief: Hey Roe. You back?
Aurora: Oh yeah, back and better than ever! Wanna see just how good I am?
Aurora grabs Kief's collar and presses a kiss to his lips.
---------------
Vince: Damn I envy that man.
Jill: She's obviously drunk and has no idea what she's doing, someone should go stop her before she does something she regrets.
Vince: You obviously only know the darker more morbid Aurora, this is classic Roe. Sweet Jesus look at that.
---------------
Aurora has Kief's shirt off and has her hands all over him, Kief reaches behind himself and opens the door. The pair stumble into the room tearing at each others clothes.
Jill: Let's get back to the action in the ring.
Vince: But the action backstage may be more entertaining.
Just then a bare foot plows through the dressing room door.
BACK AND BETTER THEN EVER
Type
One man segment
Length
8 min.
Winner
Show
Loser
Show
Outcome
Show
Rating
48%
Crowd Reaction
58%
Overall Rating
53%
VS
VS
Jill Matthews: “Welcome back to a very special edition of Ignite!”
Vince Walters: “So far this show has been chock full of excitement and it looks like things are about to get even better.”
Tom Davis: “The following match is scheduled for one fall and will be a triple threat match! First making his way to the ring…Rennnegaaaaaade!”
Renegade’s music hits the PA speakers. He steps out onto the stage and is met with a somewhat timid reaction. He raises his fists into the air while making his way down the ramp. Renegade then slides into the ring and signals to each side of the arena, generating a subtle pop from the crowd. He smirks and begins to stretch as his music fades.
On cue 'Uprising' by Muse blasts from the speakers, and white smoke flows out of the entrance way, billowing upward as the sea of fans give a mixed reaction to a figure stepping out from the curtain. Donning deep red shorts and a white tank top, her dark hair pulled back and tats exposed, Kaya Blaine saunters slowly down the ramp and pauses in the middle at the chorus, glancing back and forth between the rows of fans before smirking slightly and making her way slowly, calmly, to the ring.
Tom Davis: “and the opponent...from Cold Spring, New York…weighing in at 125 pounds and being accompanied by her manager Christina Jamie….she is….Kayyyyyaaaaaa Blaaaiiiiiine!”
Stopping by the side of said ring as the second verse explodes throughout the arena, Blaine lifts her hand into the air at the words ‘come let the revolution take control', before pulling on crimson leather gloves that her manager, Christine Jamie, hands her from the side of the ring. She then moves onto the apron and flips herself over the top rope, stopping with a hand on it, the music fading as, looking over her shoulder, Kaya waits for the next opponent.
Tom Davis: “introducing next...Salem Mourningstarrrrrr!!!!”
Salem’s music hits and he walks out immediately without a huge fuss. He makes his way down to the ring and climbs onto the apron but stops short of actually entering it due to opposition from Kaya Blaine. She is apparently not comfortable with his appearance.
Vince Walters: (laughing) “it looks like Little Miss OCD isn’t too pleased with Salem Mourningstar’s personal hygiene.”
Jill Matthews: “She’s signalling for her manager, Christine Jamie, for something…”
Kaya reaches over the ropes and grabs a bottle of hand sanitizer from her manager before approaching Salem and insisting that he use it on himself. Salem, in disbelief waves Kaya off and shouts at her to get out of his way but she doesn’t budge.
Jill Matthews: “Well this has to be a first. “
Vince Walters: “I can’t believe this…is she serious?”
Having enough of this ridiculousness, Renegade runs at the two from behind. Christine screams for Kaya to watch out and she ducks just in time. Unfortunately Salem is not so quick on his feet and is hit with a Clothesline that sends him flying off of the apron and where he hits his head hard against the steel ramp.
Vince Walters: “He should have seen that coming.”
Jill Matthews: “Literally.”
The bell sounds and the match is officially under way. Salem eventually makes his way back into the ring but leans against a turnbuckle as that blow to the head left him looking pretty out of it. He staggers into the middle of the ring and the three of them look from one to the other, each anticipating the next move.
Finally, Renegade goes for the initiative by running at Kaya. Blaine puts her hands up and staps back due to the impending fear of skin to skin contact. Instead she makes it so that Salem is between her and Renegade. She runs forward and hits Salem in the back with a Missile Kick which sends him flying into Renegade. The two fall back into a turnbuckle. Renegade, pissed off by this cheap attack, responds by shoving Salem off of him, then Irish Whips him in Kaya’s direction. Kaya panics and drops to the ground, tripping Salem with a leg sweep.
Vince Walters: “These two are playing a game of Hot Potato with Salem Mourningstar!”
Jill Matthews: “A pretty strategic technique for a chic with OCD who decided to become a wrestler.”
Vince Walters: “What kind of sense does that make anyway?”
Kaya stands up, staring down at Salem’s fallen body in satisfaction but she forgot about Renegade who runs up and hits her with a Bulldog from behind. He goes for the cover.
1…
2….
Kaya kicks out of the pin and rolls away to safety. As Kaya stands up she sees Renegade once again running at her. He goes for a Spear but she sidesteps it, sending Renegade flying through the ropes and to the outside. Kaya turns around and sees Salem getting to his feet once more. She takes advantage of the opportunity and runs at Salem and kicking him in the gut. He doubles over and she grabs him by the wrist before walking him over to the ropes and climbing up onto them. Catching her balance, Kaya executes a Rope Walk Hurracanrana on Salem which sends him flying to the center of the ring on his back.
Vince Walters: “That was pretty impressive!”
Jill Matthews: “Especially since she had to actually touch her opponent to do that move!”
Vince Walters: “Yeah but she’s wearing gloves, Jill…”
Jill Matthews: “Oh…right…still…it was a good move.”
The crowd is going crazy and Kaya can’t help but quickly climb to the top of the nearest turnbuckle. She looks to the outside of the ring and sees Renegade begin to regain his composure so she acts quickly and leaps into the air hitting a perfectly executed Phoenix Splash, aka “Perfection” on Salem Mourningstar. She hooks his leg for the pin!
1!!!
2!!!
Renegade slides into the ring but he’s too late as the ref hits the 3 count seconds before he can break up the pin.
The bell sounds and Kaya gets to her knees. The ref helps her to her feet and raises her arms in victory.
Tom Davis: “and your winner by pinfall…..KAYYYYYAAA BLAIIIINE!!!”
Tom Davis: “Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is set for one fall! Introducing first, Hailing from Sydney, New South Wales, Australia.. He stands 6 feet, 1 inch tall and weighs in at 247lbs... He is EVANDER CAGE!!!”
"Brother" by Matt Corby plays throughout the arena as Evander Cage steps out onto the stage to a massive ovation from the New Edge Wrestling fans. Evander stands on the stage soaking in the atmosphere as the ring announcer introduces him. After the introduction, Evander slowly makes his way down the ramp tagging the hands of the fans until he reaches the steel steps. He slowly climbs up the steel steps and enters the ring where for a moment he poses to the fans before he begins to prepare himself for his match.
Vince Walters: “And we kick off our return to regular shows with a renewal of a rivalry of sorts. Dixie and Evander have faced each other once or twice, and I believe Dixie has a slight edge in the series.”
Jill Matthews: “But the last time they met, Evander Cage won after knocking Dixie out cold with a vicious counter to a move she had attempted from off the top of a ladder. Dixie needs to find a way to win here tonight.”
Tom Davis: And introducing his opponent, hailing from San Antonio, Texas.. She stands 5 feet, 9 inches tall and weighs in at 165lbs. She is the 3 count cowgirl DIXIE CLEMENT!!”
‘Lone Star Cowgirl’ plays over the PA and Dixie comes out from the back, taking her cowboy hat off and holding it above her head as she looks out over the crowd. She does a short little country style dance to her music and makes her way down to the ring, climbing into the ring and climbing the turnbuckle, holding her hands up over her head before dropping down to the mat and preparing herself for the coming fight, resting her cowboy hat on one of the turnbuckles.
Vince Walters: “And Dixie is back for more punishment. Least it should be quick.”
Jill Matthews: “Ass. I think Dixie might surprise you. I heard she took the time off to focus on working as a Texas State Trooper and excelled at the work.”
Tom Davis leaves the ring and the ref calls for the bell...
DING!!
DING!!
DING!!
Vince Walters: “And.. we’re underway!”
Jill Matthews: “Come on, Dixie! I can’t listen to this jackass gloat if you lose.”
The two circle around each other and lock up, Evander Cage pushes Dixie off and to the mat. Dixie gets up and the two lock up again, this time Dixie transitions to a side headlock and nails Evander with a few short punches right to the face before he pushes her into the ropes. Dixie hops onto the middle rope, hopes up to the top rope and springboards off, catching Evander Cage and bringing him to the mat with a reverse DDT.
Vince Walters: “Holy Crap! Where the hell did that come from!”
Jill Matthews: “I told you!”
Dixie drags Evander to his feet, and the two trade punches. Dixie tries to shoot in for a double leg takedown, but Evander counters with a European Uppercut, followed by another before grabbing Dixie and bringing her to the mat with an exploder suplex. Evander pulls Dixie to her feet and nails a Vertical suplex and goes for the cover...
1...
2..
Dixie kicks out!
Vince Walters: “Evander fighting back now!”
Jill Matthews: “Is he? He looks like he’s talking to himself!”
Evander gets up after the cover and shakes his head, backing into the corner. Dixie and the ref look at each other confused but Dixie charge forward and leaps into the air, nailing Evander with a Stinger Splash, hooking him and throwing him out of the corner with a hip toss. Dixie hops up to the top turnbuckle and tries a split legged moonsault but Evander rolls out of the way and Dixie catches nothing but mat.
Vince Walters: “Crash and Burn baby! But I could watch that split legged moonsault action all night.”
Jill Matthews: “Pig.”
Evander runs up and plants Dixie with a double arm DDT as she gets up and rebounds off the ropes, nailing Dixie with a clothesline as she gets up. Evander pulls Dixie to her feet and drives her to the corner with punches and kicks, setting her up on the top turnbuckle and climbing up after her, lifting her up and planting her with a superplex that has Dixie arching her back in pain as Evander lays next to her, shaking his head.
Vince Walters: “I guess we have more punishment ahead. Evander shaking his head thinking that what he’s done might not be enough to keep Dixie down.”
Jill Matthews: “He’s right. I don’t think she’s out of the fight just yet.”
Evander Cage goes over to pull Dixie to her feet, but she rolls him up in an inside cradle and tries for a cover..
1...
2...
Evander kicks out!
Vince Walters: “Dixie almost caught Evander napping there.”
Jill Matthews: “She’s a lot more talented than people give her credit for.”
Evander breaks the hold and stomps Dixie, pulling her to her feet and planting her with a powerbomb. Backing up a bit, Evander waits for Dixie to get to her feet and runs forward, taking her down with a neckbreaker. Evander gets to his feet, smiling, seeming to think he has things going his way. Waiting for Dixie to get to her feet, he moves in and boots her in the gut, lifting her up and trying for the Michinoku Driver but Dixie wiggles out of it and locks in the cobra clutch.
Vince Walters: “The Cobra Clutch?! Does she really think that will work?”
Jill Matthews: “It looks like its working so far.”
Evander fights and tries to break free, just before he does, Dixie shifts to a Full Nelson and sweeps his legs out from under him, dropping him on his face. As she gets up, she pats her elbow and smirks.
Vince Walters: “No... she can’t win this!”
Jill Matthews: “Oh, but I think she can.”
Evander Cage pulls himself up and looks around, Dixie, standing behind him, spins around and nails him with a discus elbow shot to the back of the head that echoes throughout the arena the crowd reacting to the sick thud as Evander drops to his knees and falls flat on his face. Dixie rolls him over and goes for the cover.
1...
2..
3!
DING!!
DING!!
DING!!
Tom Davis: “Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner, by pinfall, DIXIE CLEMENT!!”
Vince Walters: “That move should be banned! Banned I tell you!”
Jill Matthews: “Dixie evened the score! Evander Cage knocked her out cold, now she’s knocked him out cold!”
? Okay?